Being SRK Fan

Kishor: Watching Rab ne bana di jodi nth time, SRK

Pawan:  U have stamina, No doubt

Kishor: I m romantic the bollywood style

Pawan: Please don't connect romance with SRK, It's something else

Kishor: I knew you would say this

Pawan Well... Even SRK knows I would say this... And deep inside he may get agree on it...

Kishor: But he can romance..

Pawan: A mazdoor who has 6 kids also can romance.. What's so tough in it?

Kishor: Not on screen

Pawan Kumar: Of course, on screen

Kishor: But why you hate SRK

Pawan: Well I have no idea but I hate him to my guts...I just don't like the way u portray himself as love guru.. Ek number ka !@#$  lagata hai jab apne haath faila kar kharda hota hai

He is self obsessive person With trillions of misconception. Misconceptions is fine and natural if he keep it to himself but he try to sell and fool poor audience

Kishor: But there is something abt him which appeals

Pawan Kumar: Nose? Don't tell me eyes

Kishor: I m straight

Pawan: I know… Just can't stand him...

Kishor: May be he looks vulnerable

Pawan: Give up Kishor. He doesn't at all Don't change the definition of vulnerable for him

Kishor: Hehe…. Mroogank also adores him ;-)

Pawan: Well he meant for that.. Kids only should like him the way they like Chhota Bheem, Sinchan, etc

Kishor: The other day I quoted Sameer abt kabhi alvida na kehna

Pawan: He is another fan.. Right?

Kishor: He is not he looked at me as if I need help

Pawan: First time ever I felt extreme respect for him

Kishor: I m hopeless fan.. I like him and whatever he does in the romantic movies

Pawan: Please understand... Heroines are well paid to do romance with him... He is fake...

Kishor: Didn't you like  veer zaara…

Pawan : Veer Zara was the worst movie ever made... SRK should have been kept in real Pakistan jail for making such movie...I know where to find u on 2nd November... In front of mannat...

Kishor: Why 2 nd Nov?  But I plan to take mroogank there sometimes

Pawan: Plz don't spoil child... Take him to zoo instead... It's good in this season

Kishor: I have already taken him to national park lion safari multiple times

Pawan: I m sure u will find better place

Kishor: I have already shown him both of AB bungalows

Pawan: Cool

Kishor: His question was woh exactly kidhar rehta hai

Pawan: Aapane bola nahi mere dil mai

Kishor: Ok tell me who can romance in hindi movies         

Pawan: Every hero does with his capacity..Even Sanjeev Kumar did...

Kishor: Ouch....Glad you didn't say sunny paji

Pawan: Well he did too...

Kishor: May be with amaeish puri        

Pawan r: But I don't like Sunny paji too becoz he share one common trade with SRK. Over acting

Kishor: Ok so sunny acts

Pawan Kumar: Overacts

Kishor: Btw at least tell me you liked DDLJ.. Make my day

Pawan Kumar: Every Indian like ddlj

Kishor: Some respite.. Let me sleep good night

RaOne. Anyone?

Last week I paid the price of being an SRK fan by duly buying 2 tickets of Ra-One and going through two hand half hours of pain. There are so many things that are wrong that I don’t know where to begin. Anyway here is my list

It is NOT worse than “My Name is Khan”. As technical analyst would put it this is classic lower top and lower bottom formation. To put it in other words SRK has not hit the rock bottom. To draw the parallels in Bollywood the time when Bacchan was making his back in nineties he hit the rock bottom by starring in mindless junk like Lal Badshah, Hindustan Ki Kasam, Suryawansham before coming back to life. I was really expecting a complete washout movie so that we may see a resurrection of actor capable of making movies like Mein Hoo Na or Badshah fun. Sadly it would have to wait for another day and year

Volkswagen- When I saw VW as one of partners I was expecting to see SRK driving a VW but then entire family driving only VWs and nothing else is just too much. To begin with I hate VW. I think it’s only fame to claim is that they are German car maker. To say that VW comes from German lineage is as good as saying that Derk Nannes is the flag bearer of Australian bowling attack after Glen McGrath or the next best thing to come out of great Mumbai batting powerhouse after Sunny and Sachin is Abhishek Nair. I mean come to think of it, would you be able to say “BMW, Merc and VW “in same breath? The hero driving a yellow beetle trying to impersonate Mr Beans is not funny by any stretch of imagination. Only small mercy is that they did not show a Vento being driven. When I went into theatre I was certain my next car won’t be a Honda. Now I know it won’t be either a Honda or a VW.

You CAN NOT blaspheme “I will be back”. Here is a flick which derives heavily from T2 theme and yet SRK has a crack at Arnie. It just sounds a bit ungrateful. It was super cool for SRK to do a take on Matrix in Mein Hoo Na to avoid the spit. It was OK to have the Manoj Kumar gag in Om Shanti Om but this is just pushing things a bit.

I am still unable to figure out the genre of this movie. At one level it is a superhero movie for kids and yet it is filled with some really corny jokes. The three vamps being called “Iski Lee, Uski Lee, Sabki Lee” or characters constantly getting hit in crotch or the metal detector scene somehow just don’t fit in. There is place of these gags but the kind of gags that are done here are more fitting in some Comedy Circus and not India’s most expensive movie. I also don’t understand SRK’s fascination with homosexuals, all his movies off late need to have some sort of reference to this.

The production team has managed to break into time space continuum in a way Stephen Hawking would be proud of. The heroine of movie which is shown a south Indian apparently does a Karwa Chauth which is followed by Dasara which in turn is followed by Ganapati. May be Ra-One bought the time with him from his game environment.

In this movie the Chinese character shouts out “Not all Chinese are Jackie Chan” and yet the movie does exactly that. The south Indians, the north Indians, the taxi driver in Mumbai even the Brits must talk in a certain way, eat in certain way. The language and accent jokes are the lamest way of creating laughter.

Finally this movie has got the concept wrong. The beauty of any Superhero movie lies in the fact that the villain is indeed a super-villain and hero struggles against him to begin with. There has to be phase where the Hero has doubts about whole thing, where he goes through the lean patch and then somehow finds his way back to glory. However clichéd, this is what makes a Superhero film to work. However for that to happen we need to have a strong supporting cast to bring the hero back on track. In cartoon world we have so many characters like that- Rafiki, Master Shifu and so on. However this movie is only about SRK the superstar who towers over everything. All of us including Ra-One know he will be defeated in the end and that too quite easily. The whole fun in confrontation is simply missing

Btw my niece Aarya has absolutely enjoyed the movie. So quite possibly it is striking chords with its target audience and I was watching the movie rather seriously.

Marathon and The Playlist

A tribute to my ipod which has been my running partner for years but unfortunately will not be around this year and the playlist which should be there

6:15 AM – Dil Se

Pure A.R. Rehman. He takes lyrics which could have been a good slow Gazal and transforms it into a high energy song. The only visual that always comes to my mind is Shoib Akhtar in his prime hurtling towards the bowling crease. All he knows is to explode, throw the ball with all his might and destroy the wicket. The kind of balls that claimed Sachin and Dravid back to back. There is complete passion and madness. Getting destroyed in attempt to destroy something actually sounds romantic.

I also feel the same. Just run , run as fast as I can. Run with all strength I have. May be I will break down very soon if I do that but who cares. All I really want this moment is just explode. The crowd around me adds to this feeling. Most of the guys are doing it first time or not serious but there are lots of pent up emotion. Everyone wants to run ahead of one another. But years of half and full marathons have taught me something else. I just can’t run race by running at someone else’s speed. I will soon tire out if I try this. I need to find my own rhythm and own bearing which will carry me through. So I happily let people pass me. By the time I am at Churchgate station the crowd has thinned out. It seems everyone has found his own speed and we have covered the first km of the run.

7:30 AM – I believe I can fly

All those hours in Gym seem to be paying off. I am running nicely. For the moment I think I can match the pros. Well at least for a minute or so. It’s a fuzzy feeling. It’s almost like those moments on Mumbai Goa Highway where you try to hold off a Skoda on your pulsar. You know eventually you will be beaten but you like to go flat out, trying your damnest not letting that guy pass and when you do it you don’t think of skidding or toppling.

8:00 AM - Nothing Else matters

Two hours into the race and the realization!! I knew this all along but now I really know it. I am not going to win this. In fact no matter how hard I try I am not even going to be close to top 30. The band playing along, the volunteers handing over water bottles, the spectators standing out don’t really care a damn about me. But what the hell, I don’t care about them as well. I am running this because I like to run. I am doing this because I am a sadistic man who likes to torture his body. This is my own race. I am competing only against my previous timings and may be age. I am not running for my employers. I am not running for some NGO.I am not running to make this world a better place. I am not running for anything but for the fact that I want to do it.

You cannot get a more individual experience in a public place. When else would all the roads be closed just to satisfy my ego? When else I would get a chance to run along Worli sea face without having to bother about traffic. This is one of the reasons I love running marathons.

8:30 AM : Matti Kahe Kumhar Se

Every time I hear to Bhimsen joshi Bhajans I know he has seen God while singing them. There is always an expression of gratitude and knowing something and being one with something. This moment I think I am slightly closer to it than ever.

I can feel every part of my body as I run. I can feel my heartbeat and pulse as I run. All of a sudden I am in the thoughtless zone. For a fleeting moment I just don’t exist. I feel part of everything around. The run is really fun. Now there are no thoughts, no ego either. I am just running as if that is only purpose in life and it feels so good not to have any thoughts or emotions. It’s complete blankness which I wish would last for ever.

8:45 AM: The Piano Man

“Man, I could be a movie star if I could get out of this place” My playlist won’t be complete without Billy Joel. It brings back memories of the Monk and the nights spend discussing very weird things like Vilayati Patang in Yarana and Sonu Nigam in Jaani Dushman.

I smile and start singing the song aloud. I quickly get that look from the fellow runners and I move on..

9:00 AM Chale Chalo

Rehman again, now my body is slowly starting to complain. There is tremendous desire to stop and give up. My body tells me it’s all pointless. It plays all the games it can. I just need to find a diversion. I need to keep my mind busy with something so that I don’t feel the pain. So I try to listen to every beat and trying to run to beats. This was expected some point of time

10:00AM Yaach Saathi Kela Hota Attahas

This song literally translates to “I have worked hard all my life so that the last day would be good”. In the stupid bravado that I would finish the run around 4 hours and my mania for being symbolic I had this song around this time and now I smile wryly as this plays on. I really appear spent, barely managing to run. Looks like I will tank anytime.

10:40 AM

My songlist has run out. Too bored to restart the songs. Legs completely tired. I am somewhere near Wankhede and barely running. A man passes me. He just slows down very slightly as he passes and looks at me and gives a small wave. Mercifully he does not stop or offer to run together. For a moment we look at each other. Both of us are tired but for that moment we know what this means to us. There appears to be a strange brotherhood, a bond which is only there for a split second but it’s beautiful. By not stopping and asking if I am OK he is honours my run in a very strange way which only two of us understand. I wave back; soon he goes up the distance and disappears. I am also almost there.

11:00 PM

Churchgate station !!! its almost done. Now this is only mind. I just know if I stop now I will not be able to even walk. I am slowly crawl past Hutamta Chawk. Now it’s almost there I can see the finish line. I am too tired to raise even raise my hands. l I hear is a click as the machine recognizes my running chip and it’s done. All those 42 Kms. I should be feeling happy and overjoyed but at that moment I just go blank. Everything appears so peaceful. All the efforts and pain look to be worth this experience. I look up the digital clock above the finishing line tell him “I will be back” .

Yeah indeed I shall be back